This throws some people as you frequently hear that “It’s just there to make people laugh”. I think that’s about as true as saying food is “just something to fill you up” and alcoholic drinks are “just something to get you pissed”. To my mind, making people laugh is the first step of comedy, not necessarily the last one. The intention to generate laughter indicates the medium that you’re performing in, but beyond that comedy can do the same as music or theatre. It can inform, it can provoke, it can offend, it can relax…it can do any of these things and still be comedy.

Comedy, like the other arts, can be used purely for entertainment purposes. This is often solely how it’s viewed by audiences – which is fair enough as they usually only have a casual interest in it and they’re not practitioners of it. I always find it more troubling when I hear comedians referring to it in that way though. Not because I look down on that one part of it – just that I see it as only part of a bigger picture that they’re missing the rest of.

Throughout the ages, comedy has been used to engage the mind as well as to numb it. It’s been used proactively as well as reactively. When China’s emperor wanted to build a 2nd Great Wall, one which like the previous one would have had a huge cost both in terms of finance and human life, his advisors were too scared of execution to attempt to dissuade him. The only person able to have the ear of the emperor and manipulate the message into an acceptable form was his jester. Lives were saved by a comedian.

At this point, it’s important to state that just because I’m aware of the broad spectrum of comedy’s form and application, it doesn’t mean that I make use of it all. Put me in front of a room full of drunks who want nothing more than to hear about shit their mate’s jumper is and I will make a dead-eyed attempt to pander to that just to get through the whole hellish experience relatively unscathed and allow me to put Felix in the bowl for the cat. In fact, put me in front of a room of engaged comedy-literate satire aficionados and I’ll probably do the same thing as I’ve pretty much forgotten how to do anything else.

Anyway, this isn’t about me.

Well, I say that.

There is a quote from Anais NIn that says, “We don’t see things as they are, but as we are.”*

I think that applies pretty well to comedians (so to myself included). People will explain comedy through the terms in which they themselves express it. Hence those who take an artistic approach may explain it in those terms and may look down on those who seek primarily to be entertainers, and vice versa. I’m conscious of that in-built prejudice, so I’m trying to put forward an argument stressing the breadth of comedy and there being room for all forms and all intents.

What I do still struggle with though is the view that all laughs are of equal merit. I remember a comedian once telling me that they felt there was no such thing as a bad audience. I asked if they felt there was such a thing as a good audience? They said they did. Once you’ve established a scale with some at the top…then there have to be others below. People have a desire to avoid being perceived as ‘negative’, but an inability to or unwillingness to differentiate quality means that you’re actually doing down anything of higher quality by refusing to acknowledge it as such.

I know, that was w*nky right?

Let me put it this way.

Two different comedians get two laughs of the same volume. One comedian is using a stolen old joke…the other is using a piece of original material.

To me that’s not a “Pound of feathers / Pound of lead” situation. However, I have already said that comedians see comedy as they are not as it really is…so working as a comedy writer as well as a stand-up gives me a fairly acute sense of intellectual property and probably skews my view. You decide.

Context is another important thing in comedy. Roy Chubby Brown, Doug Stanhope, Mark Thomas, Michael McIntyre, Tim Vine…all successful comedians. Put them in front of each other’s audiences and the reactions will change (not necessarily to the point of dying, people still have a level of skill). The fact is though, that by doing ‘what they do’, they’ve developed an audience for themselves.

When comedy is viewed purely as ‘entertainment’, the emphasis is on the comedian to entertain the audience. The thought of what that audience wants is expected to be of primary concern. This is at odds with say, paying to get into a gallery. You’re not paying to like the stuff you see there…you’re paying to have the chance to like it. Or dislike it. Or love it. Or hate it. Or not be arsed. Word of mouth, reviews, publicity etc spread things and will end up attracting the right audience for that particular exhibition.

The danger is that if you only view comedy as a form of entertainment then that doesn’t happen, comedians never find that audience for them. Because they’re too busy being the comedian for the audience that’s in front of them. It’s expressing this viewpoint that again puts a comedian at risk of sounding snobbish or dismissive of an audience.

If that’s how you read that, then consider this -

Q: Should a comedian’s prime concern be to entertain the audience that’s in front of him, being aware of their sensitivities and not seeking to challenge them?

A: Yes

You answered, A: Yes. You’ve just said that a comedian unexpectedly book to play a Neo-Nazi rally should take into account the sensitivities of his audience and do whatever he can to entertain them based on what he expects to go down best with them.

How do you sleep at nights?

Yes, of course I’m exaggerating to highlight the point. I just mean that there aren’t simple black and white answers to what comedians should or shouldn’t do.

From my own (skewed and biased) perspective, if you only give an audience what you know they already want, it’s like only giving your kids fish fingers. You don’t learn anything more about how to use other styles and future generations develop narrow instead of broad tastes. However, there’s nothing wrong with fish fingers as part of a healthy balanced diet in which a broad range of other options are also available…

Comedy. It’s quite big. Room for all of us.

Teddy x

* The missus says it’s actually Immanuel Kant. Further googling throws up Nin, Kant, or the Jewish Talmud. Whatever. It’s a good quote.

I’d been back from my holiday for 24 hours when a friend got in touch to say their car windscreen had been smashed, they were waiting for autoglass, and needed somebody to cover a booking for them which would involve getting to the venue in one hour’s time. When the description was given of a family party at a five-star hotel to celebrate the birth of a child, I said it wasn’t for me and suggested someone else. When they weren’t gettable…I foolishly agreed to give it a go. I was forwarded an email containing background information on 12 members of the family who the organiser had wanted “worked into the material”.

I turned up and explained that there was no way I could do this, that I hadn’t appreciated there were actually going to be children present, and that I was happy to go home rather than do anything that may cross a line. I was asked to go ahead anyway. I went to the hotel bar, looked at this email on my phone and started trying to write jokes. 15 minutes later I was ‘on’. Standing by the side of a long dining table without a microphone.

Within 7 words, I’d been heckled with “So are you the stand-in?”

I’d been given an hour’s notice. I’d got into a suit. I’d got a taxi there. I’d offered NOT to do it. I’d gone away to write material specific to a LUDICROUS brief. And now I was being treated with contempt for even being there to try.

I lasted 5 minutes. Having spent £25 on taxis & 2 soft drinks at the bar…the family-member organising has refused to pay me anything, and was also taking the piss out of me to the group as I left.

After that, my next gig was in Aberdeen. I’ve gigged a lot around the North-East of Scotland over the past year due to Naz from Breakneck Comedy’s excellent work in setting up so many gigs. I normally enjoy the gigs. Unfortunately, this front row had two drunks in it. The added complication, as I was to discover, was that one of them was so drunk that he’d got himself into a state where people sitting behind him wrongly adjudged the root of his condition to be some form of disability, rather than excess alcohol intake. I was then booed by sections of the crowd who thought that I was ripping into a disabled person rather than a drunk interrupting my set-ups. On the way out of the gig, I was then verbally abused over this too.

The night after that I’d been booked to play a golf club. Not a gig I was particularly suitable for, but work’s work. My mood wasn’t improved by turning up to be told that the crowd had been promised “maybe a wee bit of swearing, but certainly nothing blue”. Gauging the crowd’s tipping point for offence as being just above that of Songs of Praise’s core audience, I was having to pull out a lot of old hack material based on bland regional differences.

Frustratingly, this was what then caused offence. I did an impression of the difference between a hoity-toity Jenners shop assistant and then a perfume assistant in Glasgow. I picked House of Frasers as the equivalent to Jenners. At this point a woman said loudly. “No, I’m sorry, that’s not funny.” Reassuringly, everyone else at her table rolled their eyes and obviously thought “F*ck. Can we not have one night out without this…”.

Turning to address her, I enquired as to what had offended her.

“Jenners and House of Fraser are actually owned by the same company.”

This is the kind of heckle you get in a golf club. Heckles about brands and company portfolios. If nothing else, it allowed me to take the piss in a far milder manner than my astral being was doing as it stood next to me berating her for making an already awkward gig even more awkward.

Again, it showed to me the innate stupidity and futility of c*nty heckling. If you don’t find something funny – don’t laugh. If enough people react the same way – the comedian goes down. If you’re interrupting a laugh to give your negative opinion, you really have to look to yourself. What do you want to happen? Either you or the comedian has to win at this point. If it’s you – what happens? I’d walk off 5 minutes into a 20 minute booking and it would be embarrassing and disappointing for everyone present. Your table would have felt even more awkward and embarrassed than they did at the point where you opened your mouth. The evening would have been damaged for a roomful of paying punters.

The other option is for me to win. Here’s where it’s not a fair fight though. You’re clearly enough of a fruitloop to not feel bound by any level of social norm or embarrassment. You’ve also decided that you’re prepared to forfeit not just the money you paid for your ticket, but effectively the money everybody else paid for their ticket. Yet, as it’s effectively a private booking, I still need to retain a level of deference to you that you’re not showing to me. I have to fight with one hand behind my back. In that situation, I’m basically a waiter dealing with a c*nty customer, but I happen to have a microphone in my hand. Anyway, I put her down firmly but gently and got through it. Then went home feeling even more depressed by the world.

I was at a reception desk recently where the receptionist had pinned up a quote. It roughly said “You can’t control how people will speak to you, but you can control your reaction to it.” That’s what I need to remember and to focus on. For the past 14 years there have always been drunks, there have always been idiots, and there have always been c*nts. What I need to remember is the moments where I’ve dealt with them deftly and I need to recreate those, instead of feeling weighed down and defeated by 14 years-worth. I need to make sure each moment feels like the first time it’s happened and react with the same energy and application as I used to have.

That’s my responsibility and it’s the only thing I have control over. It’s the only way I can win and stop myself coming home at night wanting to cry.

If you’ve seen me be funny before and could remind me how I did it, that might help too.

Right, I hope the fact I’ve ended this with the realisation that ‘the answer lies within’ means that it sounds more self-kickstarting than self-pitying. Either way, as comedians love to read about other comedians having a sh*tter time than themselves…I expect this to be a popular blog.

Hope you’re all well

Teddy x

I’m feeling quite shite this week (for The Heff’s benefit I’ll drop the starring of my expletives). Being a comedian and a writer is in no way comparable to being down a mine or having to put in any kind of tough physical shift, but it still has the ability to take a toll on you.

What I always struggle with is having to juggle different writing projects at once, I always find it to be a mind-fuck. At the moment, I’m preparing to make my 2nd appearance on Jo Caulfield’s ‘The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly’ podcast to be recorded at The Stand in Edinburgh on Wednesday night, but I’ve also come up with questions and then my own answers for Episode 4 of the Scottish Comedy FC podcast to be recorded earlier that same evening in Glasgow.

On top of that, I’ve edited and posted up three people’s articles onto the football site in the last two days, I’ve had other writing work that I can’t mention at this point which took up yesterday morning in researching and a bit of yesterday afternoon in writing up. Tonight I’m off out with the missus for St V’s Day, tomorrow I’m doing last-min prep for the double podcast recording, then appearing in both. On Thursday I’m editing the SCFC podcast and then putting it up, before heading along to The Stand in Glasgow for the first of a 3-night run.

Between Thursday night and Friday morning I’ll have to find time to write my own regular SCFC article, then spend Friday daytime working on a paid piece of writing work that’s come in. Saturday I’ll be at the Rangers match during the day, then gigging at night. Sunday will be spent focusing on getting that aforementioned paid writing work done.

All the while, I’ll be juggling various thoughts at the back of my head…including the news that more than half of the flats in our block haven’t paid for the roofing repairs that January storms rendered necessary (I have), and that Rangers are in administration.

The Rangers story is depressing, but perhaps not as depressing as a conversation I wasted last night having on Twitter (so much of my current overload is my own doing).  I attempted some gallows humour by making a joke of the situation…only for a Rangers fan to call me a wanker and tell me to enjoy my jelly and ice cream. This being a reference which assumed me to be a Celtic fan, I was then sucked into engaging him (I foolishly thought reasoning with him was an option). A glance at his timeline revealed that prior to me he’d sent abuse to a footballer and a football commentator. I picked him up on this. He accused them of “digs” at Rangers and said he’d do the same again.

One of the comments called the commentator a “wannabe knob-jockey”. Quite. I think few statements could address the issues relating to the appointment of an administrator to a football club quite as succinctly as that. Why wouldn’t you “say the same again”? 

By the end of talking to him I felt completely drained. Talking to idiots isn’t to be encouraged. It drags you down instead of dragging them up. My favourite bit was when he claimed that a “so-called top comedian” (that being me apparently) was calling for him to be “booted off twitter” for what he’d said to me. I had to point out that a top comedian wouldn’t bother replying to him on Twitter. Also, what I’d actually said was that he should read his own timeline, said what he’d said to the footballer and commentator…and then delete his twitter himself.

I no longer find the thought of the existence of extra-terrestrial intelligence to be frightening. I find the knowledge of the lack of terrestrial intelligence frightening.

Sorry none of this is funny.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Teddy x

What I’m feeling as I sit typing this…is utterly exhausted. She’s been waking up at 5am, when shut in the living room, and begun wailing, scratching, and rattling the door to get out. For the purposes of us getting some sleep and not having the neighbours apply for an ASBO, we’d then let her into the bedroom. For the first few weeks of this, she’d either settle down on the bed or go to the window to look out. (We had to pull the blinds up a bit for her to do this, but anything for a bit of peace).

As the animal behaviouralists among you will have anticipated…this has only led to earlier and earlier wailing & scratching sessions, followed by increasingly less docile and benign behaviour on reaching the bedroom. Rather than wanting to settle down beside us, she feels that we need to share in her crepuscular sleep pattern and have to be roused from our slumbers to pay her attention. Hence, whatever she can find on a shelf or windowsill will be dislodged to wake us up.

Having phone the vet’s to ask for advice, we’ve been told that it’s natural cat behaviour and is just a case of re-conditioning her not to be allowed into the bedroom before we get up in the morning. The problem with this is that while she’s adjusting to her new position on the losing side of the aforementioned battle of wills…she’s wailing and thumping the living room door from 5am until 7am when one of us will be getting up anyway.

The noise carries through the living room door that’s taking the battering and through the bedroom door too. That, combined with the fear of quite what the neighbours make of it, is knocking two hours off my sleep every day.

Today, I’m on MacAulay & Co on Radio Scotland at around 11.10am, talking about public transport. After that I’m going to a press conference at Firhill where Partick Thistle are announcing their new kit sponsor (we were kindly invited along so I’m going on behalf of the football site), and after that I have to do some writing for the Good, The Bad, and The Ugly podcast at The Stand in Edinburgh which I’m doing on Wednesday night. I said I’d get some stuff done for late afternoon / early evening though.

Before I head off to do MacAulay & Co, I also have to head to the sorting office just over a mile away to pick up a parcel for the missus. Normally I’d walk it, but I think the combination of time constraints and the kind of sleep deprivation where I feel a little bit like I’m going to vomit will lead to the bus. Don’t worry bus-goers, I’m pretty sure I’m not actually going to vomit.

Who knows how much longer this will go on for before the cat gets the message?

If I sound exhausted and babbly on the radio this morning, or at the GBU recording on Wednesday night, or on the next Scottish Comedy FC podcast (which I’m recording a couple of hours before the GBU show) then I apologise. At least you’ll know the reason.

What’s the worst that can happen? I sound sluggish and unfunny and fail to be invited back onto the radio, onto anyone else’s podcast, and even onto a podcast that I myself host. From that, people lose confidence in my abilities as a stand-up in general. I become destitute and end up living on the streets, wearing grimy urine-soaked rags. To cope with things, I develop a chronic alcohol problem, leading to early-onset cirrhosis of the liver. In the final stages of that I suffer from Korsakoff’s alcohol-related dementia so that my mental health joins my physical health in being shot to pieces.

Meanwhile, in an alternate reality, a cat-less version of me is performing with aplomb across all forms of broadcast and social media. I’m getting more work and earning more money so it becomes easier to plan what jobs to take when. The removal of this uncertainty both benefits my mental health and allows me to stick to a regular gym schedule. My physical and mental health have never been better. I am Teddy 2.0, somewhere between being Iron Man and an omnipotent alien super-being.

Right. I’m going to have a shower. On my way I’m going to try to avoid tripping over the kitty who remains my pride and joy despite it all and tell myself how healthy I feel.

Nauseously, yawningly healthy.

Teddy x

Gigs – Last week I was in Aberdeen gigging at Snafu, then at Maggie Mays in Glasgow, and spent Saturday night gigging at a curry night in what I imagine is Burntisland’s only Pottery Bistro. I’m tempted to suggest that it’s Fife’s only pottery bistro – but there’s no telling what St Andrews is up to. It was a fun night, and my fears that the audience and surroundings may be a bit too sedate proved to be unfounded. Why did they prove to be unfounded? Because fairly early into the compere, Ray Bradshaw, chatting to the audience…one of them was joking that he was a rapist. Even I would struggle to push things more than the crowd themselves had!

The other interesting thing about the gig was that it was BYOB, and I realised the effect that this can have. On acts, rather than punters! At a gig, I may consume 0-1 pints. If I do have a pint it’ll usually be nursed over the course of the night so that I’m not risking stumbling or slurring anything. Having established that the gig was BYOB…a feeling of panic set in, and 3 bottles of Tyskie were purchased from the Co-Op. Why did I need 3 bottles of beer? No idea, other than the effect that unavailability has on the mind. I had two before going on, and enjoyed the third in the car on the way back. (I wasn’t driving!)

Football site – The Scottish Comedy FC site continues to take up a lot of my time as I’m editing articles before putting them up on the site, as well as writing my own weekly article. About ten days ago we put up the 1st episode of the podcast too…and that’s gone very well. I’m now attempting to coordinate the next few recordings of that, and how to possibly do some live recordings and make it self-funding to have them properly recorded and edited.

Am I bullsh*tting about the podcast going well?

Check out this screengrab from yesterday. I direct your attention to positions 21 & 22:

Would anybody like to sponsor a popular football podcast…? Get in touch (really).

What effect has been busy had on other aspects of life?

I’m struggling to get to the gym so much (think it was twice last week), and the cat is going mental at not being played with enough. I’ve had to fend off an attempt at pushing the Macbook shut to finish this blog. Having given up on that, she hopped up onto some shelves and began pushing off whatever she could dislodge.

I need to finish this blog, play with her, then head out to go and meet the other woman in my life. She’s finishing work at 5 and we’re going to the cinema.

Right. I need to go.

Anything else before I do…? Oh yeah. Does anyone else overthink things when they see a lollipop person? I saw one today when there was nobody else about. I crossed the road before I got to him as I was making myself neurotic worrying about whether I’d have to let him help me across to avoiding him thinking I was snubbing him…or whether he’d think I was a tw*t if I let him.

Neurosis-inducing situations are all around us.

Stay strong.

Teddy x

You can now hear what Ray Bradshaw (@comedyray), Richard Hunter, Gordon Alexander (@goalexander), and myself were getting up to on Thursday night in Leith. I realise I’m not really selling that…

Anyway, the first episode of the Scottish Comedy FC podcast is up now.

You can subscribe via iTunes here

or listen via the player here

For anyone with a fear of parochial Scottish football chat, we actually manage to mention Bosnia, the Cup of African Nations, and a surprising amount of detail about English railway lines! Remember – Scottish Comedians, World Game.

I was at Ibrox today watching the Rangers v Aberdeen game. The final score was disappointing…as was the first 60mins, bar the performances of Sone Aluko & Maurice Edu. At least the last half hour after Aberdeen’s goal comprised mainly of Rangers shots & corners. Two points dropped…but you never know what can happen between now and the end of the season.

Having got back to the flat I remembered that I meant to nip out to Currys to buy new ink cartridges for my printer. Unfortunately it shut at 6pm…just as I got to the door. Am I changing the ink cartridges because the ones in my printer have run out? No, it’s because my printer went on the blink ages ago after the last time I changed them (it’s printing out blank pages) and my technologically illiterate mind can come up with nothing else to do other than to buy new cartridges, change them and hope it magically works. Written down, that sounds even more stupid. Especially when cartridges seem to cost more than printers these days.

The missus is sick of me using her printer to print things out (whatever happened to sharing?) and I’ve been monitoring the tone of her growls, waiting for the crucial point at which I had to actually address the non-working nature of my printer. I got about 5 months out of her printer before the growl-pitch became critical, that’s not bad. I shall faff about with my one tomorrow and see what gives.

The missus isn’t about as I’m typing this so I can’t give you a running commentary on her irritation at my various forms of internet noodling. I can tell you that her and the cat are united in their annoyance at being ignored while I edit articles, write blogs, upload podcasts etc. The cat has just expressed her own frustrations at this point by making a bid to chew through a 2nd set of my earphones. I’d probably better go and check how successful she’s been. She’s either a luddite, or simply wants to deny me earphones so that I have to play out podcasts through speakers and she too can listen to Kermode & Mayo’s Radio 5 movie musings.

Right, this has been a short blog but I have to play with the cat and make some tea before the missus gets home from her shift. I know. I’m still finding it difficult to describe how it is that I’m busy these days, all I know is that I am.

I reckon that what happens when you die is that God goes through your timesheet with you and compares how much of your life was wasted on internet pornography in comparison to time spent engaging with loved ones and throwing balls for your cat to chase but not retrieve.

I’d better go.

Have a listen to the podcast and pass it on to any peeps you think may like it.

Cheers,
Teddy

What else have I done today? I wrote my article for Scottish Comedy FC, which took me longer than I’d anticipated, I’ve done a bit more writing for other unpaid speculative projects, changed the litter in the cat’s tray, posted a parcel for the missus, and I went to the gym.

The gym was good, aside from the paranoia that the modern age has instilled into men on their own in a changing room except for a young boy. Especially when he was making the noises of exertion / self-commentary that kids do when doing anything. Putting on his shoes met with a growl of effort and his mum was outside shouting “what are you doing?”. I then heard him shout “don’t come in” to her and given that I was in my sweat-soaked boxer shorts I was tempted to add “Yeah, don’t come in!” to let her know that there was someone else in there. Then I considered the effect of some guy shouting “don’t come in!” in that situation, made myself even more paranoid, got into my jeans as quickly as I could and scuttled out.

What a world this is.

Anyway, it’s Friday night, I have booze…and the missus has been subjected to my walk down 80s memory lane. She’s had the magic of Rick Astley (Take Me To Your Heart), The London Boys (Requiem), a Stock Aitken & Waterman megamix, and Brother Beyond (He Ain’t No Competition). Granted, the last one of that list was only to make the point that Rick Astley was a comparatively butch 80s pop star.

I love Astley. Saw him live at Cottier’s Theatre in Glasgow about 7 years ago when he was singing Easy Listening numbers with a Big Band. Great!

Anyway.

As I type this I’ve put on a song mentioned on ScottishComedyFC.com. It was recommended by Gary Black (http://www.trampledbat.com/) for the regular “Jukebox Durie” football song feature that Andy Todd does for the site. It’s frankly fantastic. You can play it here:

http://2manykids.com/fitba/The%20Supernaturals%20-%20High%20Tension%20At%20Boghead.mp3

How good is that?

Right. I’m going back to my Kozel.

Anything else to report?

Well, if anybody thought, “Teddy, that fuss over the reviews…comedians are always moaning, aren’t they?”, then check out this. Particularly the comments section:

http://www.scotsman.com/edinburgh-evening-news/the-guide/theatre/review_a_funny_thing_happened_on_the_way_to_the_forum_church_hill_theatre_1_1960504

I must commend Mr A. Borthwick on what I believe da kids are calling “a slam”.

Teddy x

The missus has just enquired as to what I’m doing and I’ve told her that I’m writing my blog.

“What are you writing about?”

“Dunno yet, I’m writing it.”

“Is it just ramblings and rumblings? People will get sick of it.”

“No. People will be fascinated by my descent…”.

After saying “descent” I considered that maybe I meant to say “decline”. I like “descent” though. Like I’m going potholing within my own w*nkishness.

It would almost be worth becoming famous simply to allow me to release an autobiography and call it “Potholing Within My Own W*nkishness”.

I’ve been disturbed from this psychologically self-involved reverie by the missus reading over my shoulder and complaining that I’m “just f*cking moaning” about her. She’s now suggested that I do something constructive like “Come up with an alternative to Capitalism”.

I’ve just considered doing so and rescuing the global economy simply to spite her. After giving it some thought, I’ve decided that it would be pretty unbecoming behaviour to develop a sustainable and equitable financial model to safeguard the future of mankind for no reason other than to stick two fingers up to my fiancee. Hence, for reasons of dignity, I shall be leaving you all to starve as I go back to writing up today’s events.

Why did I have fun today? I was back through in Edinburgh for the recording of the first Scottish Comedy FC podcast at the Canongate Studios in Leith. Al Lorraine & Richard Melvin were good enough to be on hand (Al in particular having to do a lot of rearranging of wires and mics to get things set up) to record our virgin emission. (That’s not a good phrase is it?) Myself, Ray Bradshaw, Richard Hunter, and Gordon Alexander had fun babbling away about football. I’m looking forward to hearing it (hopefully hearing it back doesn’t shatter the magic!) and I’ll keep you posted on when it goes up. I don’t want to spoil any highlights, but all I’ll say as a teaser is this: Gordon Alexander. Trains.

If you’d like to sponsor the SCFC podcast…then get in touch. To have a podcast produced slickly does cost money (I loved the Collings & Herrin podcasts but it would be weird if, say, ‘Football Weekly’ from The Guardian sounded like it) so we will need to find a sponsor to keep up the quality. Do you want to be in at the start of Scottish Comedy FC? Of course you do.

I had a good night in Edinburgh last night too, watching “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of Comedy”, though I still wasn’t fully over my little mood blip. It was good to see a new format in it’s early stages and I’m looking forward to doing the show on Feb 8th.

Anyway, I’d better go to bed.

Much as I’ve enjoyed today though, there has been a downside. I’ve been too busy to tweet Gary Glitter…

Hope you’re all well.

Teddy x

I’ve also been knocking up a show plan for the recording of a trial Scottish Comedy FC podcast in Edinburgh tomorrow evening. I’ll be joined by Ray Bradshaw, Gordon Alexander, and Richard Hunter – all regular contributors to the site. For this teaser-cum-taster pod (yes, that was partly an excuse to use the term cum-taster) we’re grateful for the assistance of Richard Melvin et al (actually, given that one of the other guys involved is called Al, that works better than I’d intended it to) at Dabster Productions. Richard is the genius (I realise that would usually have the word “maverick” or “evil” ahead of it, but he’s pretty sensible and not particularly malevolent) behind the Live @ The Stand podcasts and Radio Scotland show. Hence, look forward to our drivel at least sounding beautifully clear.

I was at the gym today for the third day in a row, as I continue the post-Christmas fightback against the united growth of waistline and black cloud of doom. I did two miles on the treadmill, and felt reassured by my ability to keep pace with the guy jogging next to me. Granted, he was already there when I got on it, and remained after I gave up…but you have to take these small moments of satisfaction where you can get them.

As for yesterday’s blog, I don’t want to say much more on it as I imagine that the tactic is to ignore my complaints so that my only option is to repeat them…and with each complaint damage the perception of my own credibility. Like a call centre just saying “What?” to everything you say, until you either shout (at which point they can hang up) or just give up yourself and hang-up the phone.

At the point where somebody won’t listen to a valid complaint from you, you have to have somebody else take it on who they’re unable to ignore.

We shall see what happens in that regard.

I’m struggling to come up with anything interesting to write today, but I’m fearful of breaking the chain of blogs. Also, I’m a comedian and comedy writer. It shouldn’t be beyond me to either invent something interesting or to add an interesting twist to an existing situation.

Hang on, let me go and have a look at the news.

OK, I’m back.

“UK torture inquiry is cancelled” – That’s a shame. When will BBC3 start listening to what people want? It sounds like a show I’d have watched.

“Russia warns against Iran strike” – quite right. Lazy gits. If they’re going to go on strike then just bring in casual staff to be Iranian instead. For £6 an hour I’m prepared to be a member of one of the world’s most ancient civilizations, live on chargrilled meats and freshly baked flatbreads, and attend the Persepolis v Esteghlal derby match.

“Should ‘rottweiler’ security lights be banned?” – It depends if they’re out at night or not. Maybe just put reflective collars on them so they don’t get hit by cars? Then again, shouldn’t they really be accompanied by humans?

There we go. Hilarious.

(Not actually hilarious.)

(Perhaps hilarious because they weren’t intended to be hilarious)

(Perhaps not hilarious because the intention to make them hilarious through non-hilarity was too obvious)

(Perhaps…you can overthink comedy.)

(Perhaps…given recent events…you can underthink comedy.)

(Almost certainly too many brackets.)

Teddy xxx

“It’s with trepidation about being seen as the classic whinging comedian that I contact you to complain about a number of recent comedy reviews by Barry Gordon. While I escaped relatively unscathed from Mr Gordon’s recent review of the Electric Tales night at The Stand, there have been too many mistakes made and too much abuse heaped onto comedians…and even onto one venue and it’s audience.

The Electric Tales review, for example, at no point gives readers the most basic information possible – that it’s a storytelling night. It goes on to have Mr Gordon offer his “tip” to Allan Miller (Edinburgh Evening News *****) on how he can become a “half-decent” performer. Either an attempt at patronising her or simply an inability to correctly remember what she actually said on the night means host Sian Bevan is described as “the self-confessed ‘bonny but glaikit’ Sian Bevan”. My sanity rather than my comedy was then reviewed, though I’m glad Mr Gordon was able to find me “sane” and “well rounded”. That will hopefully mean that this complaint is taken on board.

A November review for a Thursday night at The Stand described one comedian as a “Gangly idiot”, while the host was told that he wouldn’t survive gigging in a “Soho comedy club”. This comment being a review of a hypothetical gig which exists nowhere other than in Mr Gordon’s head, and in which Soho appears to have been anointed as the centre-point of the UK comedy circuit. An annoyingly London-centric remark to read in the Edinburgh Evening News.

Then we come to Mr Gordon’s recent review of a night at Highlight Comedy Club. Or should I say reviews. I realise that the EEN can only be held responsible for the comments in their own pages (the ** review) rather than the review of the same night that Mr Gordon wrote for another paper (***) though. Let me take the EEN review at this point. Susan Morrison, one of your own columnists, is subject to what reads as an attack smacking of ageism and sexism in which we are told that a “52 year-old” (I can see no relevance to the inclusion of that beyond ageism) disgusts Mr Gordon by talking about sex. Later, the younger and male Craig Hill is praised for his references to sex. I’m sure you can appreciate how this inconsistency comes across.

Reviewers are, of course, there to give their opinion, but where the paper pays for and publishes that opinion they have a responsibility to ensure there’s a reasonable chance of it being an informed and fair one. A review surely also has to have resonance with the readers, yet Mr Gordon’s opinion of News readers seems pretty low. His Daily Record review writes off the Highlight audience as “mainly drunk, middle-class types” who find the words “f*** and c*** hysterical” and double over with laughter at “racist/xenophobic jokes”. The contempt here is not just for the comedians but also for the audience. I’m sure any “middle-class types” who read the EEN and attend Highlight will be interested by Mr Gordon’s description of them.

Also, can the editorial team explain how someone deemed worthy to review comedy for the Evening News failed to be aware that the Danny Angelo referred to in the review is a character act (portrayed by well-known Scottish comedian Jim Muir aka Reverend Obadiah Steppenwolfe III)? The fact that the “hopelessly out of tune guitar” is intentional renders Mr Gordon’s outrage at it somewhat redundant, and makes his comment that Danny Angelo should maybe “have stuck in at school” more laughable than Mr Gordon found the night to be.

Comedy reviewers form an important part of a healthy comedy scene and a well-informed and well-written review (positive or negative) can be useful for performers and audiences alike. In the early stages of my own career, I benefitted greatly from the well-informed encouragement or constructive criticism of the EEN’s comedy reviewers. The reviews I’ve mentioned in this letter, however, are so flawed and unpleasant (to your readers as well as to comedians and venues) as to carry no credibility. I would request that the EEN ones mentioned be removed from Scotsman.com.”

Here is what they printed:

Comedy reviews are not so funny
I AM writing to complain about recent comedy reviews by Barry Gordon. There have been too many mistakes and too much abuse heaped on to comedians.
The Electric Tales review (News, January 11) at no point gives the most basic information – that it’s a storytelling night, and host Sian Bevan is described as “the self-confessed ‘bonny but glaikit’ Sian Bevan”.
A review at The Stand (News, November 15) described one comedian as a “gangly idiot”.
Then we come to Mr Gordon’s Highlight Comedy Club review (News, January 9). Susan Morrison is subjected to an attack smacking of ageism and sexism in which we are told a “52-year-old” disgusts Mr Gordon by talking about sex.
Later, Craig Hill is praised for his references to sex. I’m sure you can appreciate how this inconsistency comes across.
Ross ‘Teddy’ Craig

Here’s the response:

• Barry Gordon replies: My job is to point out how a production runs, the strong and weak points, weigh up the overall evening and deliver my opinion. To review everything positively does a disservice to both act and audience. If Mr Craig thinks comedians get bad reviews, try being a painter.

———————————————————————————————————-

“Try being a painter”.

So that’s all that cleared up then.

Teddy